majorsilence

You see, one night I was writing this essay. Are you listening to me? Good. I started off with a good topic, but I kept changing it. Eventually I started to believe that I was turning into a beautiful cherry tree, that was starting to blossom.

So as I continued to write on the creamy paper. It was creamy like the cream atop my Irish Coffee. I drank, I wrote, but still there was so much more to do. The lead was iron, strong and black like the coffee. Shut the fuck up and listen. It etched grey scars in my paper, scars that I bore during my work that afternoon on the assembly line. I make the coffee, and the paper. You see, this is the way I amuse myself.

The lead cracked. I swore! Do you understand yet? The eraser plummeted into the cream of the paper. The paper tore. Damn this paper. An hour passed as I kissed my elbow on my desk with new coffee and new paper. I had finally finished World Domination: Three easy steps. It was written in elegant yet simple script. Don't you agree? At that moment I smiled defiantly, I wish I could have such a smile now. I believed she would love every bit. But no, my editor just laughed and shut her door.

So I went back to my desk. Hello John, how are you? That's good. She did not like it. Yeah, I know, it really sucks. Maybe if I expanded it into more ideas. I think I'll forget that Idea. Maybe I'll write a self teaching guide to flying. The trick is to miss the ground. And thats where the conversation ended. It didn't end because John thought I was crazy, it ended because John was the juice box I had just finished drinking.

So I spent the rest of the night attempting to fly. Ouch. Damn. Damn, damn. Fuck! This really hurts. I need a distraction. These cherries are great. And it went downhill from there. I started choking on my cherries, there was no one there to help me. Do you know how it feels to be choking with no one to help you? Its a horrible feeling. Luckily I had just finished a first aid course and knew what to do. But hitting myself off the chair to get the cherry out I ended up breaking a rib. It gave an extraordinary pain. It was such a wondrous pain. It was quite fascinating you see. I spent the next three hours pondering whether I should see a doctor. I didn't do any of that pansy ass shit. I just sat there. No ice, no water, no support. I just sat there for three ghoulish hours. Thats when I decided to do something about the injury. I got up and started my slow crawl towards the stairs. I slipped, I feel, I broke another rib. I passed out, and woke realizing I am now just finishing this writing. You like it, don't you John?

---

Written by me with some help from a friend. Of course the whole flying thing is from Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.